[0.0s] Previously, on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.4s] Guys, we haven't been down this way.
[5.4s] And you enter where there's a placid pond, a human male wearing yellow silk robe stands
[13.2s] in the pagoda, and an iron tea kettle rises up from beneath the embers.
[18.4s] The kettle resembles a scowling face with thick features.
[22.6s] He bows to the kettle and appears to show great reverence to the vessel, then lowers
[28.4s] his head in meditation.
[30.4s] The steam begins to rise, walls of stone enclose the pagoda, and Thaddeus looks at the tea
[36.8s] leaves and he says, this is Drake's wort, and it is potentially lethal.
[42.9s] Then I am going to use my spear to try to like, get it out.
[48.7s] Donnie pees on that kettle that has the face of the Dao on it.
[52.8s] Now there's more pee vapor and there's still poison in the air.
[56.3s] I am going to take my bedroll, douse it with water, throw it on top of the pee cover kettle.
[64.8s] Our problem-solving skills are amazing.
[68.3s] You heave down with this huge axe and it cracks open.
[73.2s] The walls immediately drop with a huge, and up from the ground rises a huge stone
[79.4s] Dao.
[80.4s] I think that I saw that there was a spot, you know, a weakening.
[84.7s] We take a running start at this and we'll say it sees you coming and begins to swing
[89.6s] its maul, but you slide underneath and just jab in with your sword and then it looks
[95.1s] down at you with a deep, hurt scowl and then explodes.
[100.0s] You begin walking down the pathway and you enter back into the sundial room.
[104.6s] Holy fuck, we're going to be in here forever.
[108.9s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, we're a D&D 5th edition actual play podcast
[112.6s] and I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More, and with me today is the person who almost
[115.8s] died last week, Amy More.
[117.3s] Yes, I'm the wife of the Dungeon Master.
[119.2s] I'm Amy More.
[120.2s] I almost died.
[121.2s] Good Lord.
[122.2s] I'm not that hard on you.
[123.2s] I didn't say you were.
[124.2s] Guilty conscience coming out right there, Russ.
[126.5s] She was just stating a fact, Russ.
[128.5s] Geez.
[129.5s] Wow, yeah.
[130.5s] Are you feeling a little bad about last week's endeavors?
[133.3s] Also with me today, other bruses that are just talking, Carla Johnson.
[137.1s] Hey, I play Nulara Moonbrook.
[141.3s] I play Thea Anastasia.
[142.7s] Didn't get that.
[143.7s] And Tom Laird.
[145.4s] I can't get over the dignities that Amy is suffering right now.
[149.1s] I tell you what, I play a Flynn Firebeard.
[152.8s] Wow.
[155.3s] Did you hear me?
[156.7s] He he he.
[159.3s] Oh, God, it's not going to go well.
[160.8s] This is this is awful.
[161.9s] I'm so funny.
[162.8s] Just to recap, still in the death maze.
[165.7s] Stuck in a death.
[166.7s] This is the forever.
[168.0s] We're changing the name of the podcast to be called Stuck in a Maze.
[171.3s] So it will go on as long as these people survive.
[174.7s] Which won't be much longer.
[176.0s] The inevitable rise of the death means
[180.2s] the maybe rise of TMS.
[181.7s] We don't know. We missed it.
[182.9s] We were stuck in.
[183.7s] We're in the death maze.
[184.9s] You thought TMS was the big bad, but that was just the smoking gun.
[189.1s] This is the real big bad.
[190.9s] Makes a lot of sense.
[193.5s] What do you mean the red herring?
[195.2s] No smoking guns fair.
[196.7s] Both are the same.
[197.9s] Yeah.
[198.9s] Are they both the same metaphor?
[200.3s] I've been using smoking gun incorrectly, I do believe.
[202.9s] Well, I don't think they're exactly the same metaphor, but I think it works.
[206.9s] You see, you know what?
[208.9s] Why are you defending him?
[210.7s] Yeah. You know what?
[211.5s] I take it back, Russ. You're wrong.
[213.9s] You're wrong. And Amy's right.
[215.8s] If you want to support, if you want to support me,
[218.5s] visit Patreon dot com slash dumb dragon cast.
[221.7s] Make a pledge. Who knows?
[223.7s] If you want to support them, visit Patreon dot com.
[226.8s] But like, be really specific with where your dollars are going,
[231.8s] because I don't think Russ is totally earning them.
[234.1s] When you sign up, you can put a little note to say who you're supporting,
[237.2s] and then that will make sure that that money gets allocated to me.
[240.3s] So. Wow, Russ is sassy tonight.
[245.2s] Super sassy. I like it.
[246.8s] It's pretty funny until we all die.
[249.5s] It all goes into the giant world of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[252.9s] Parker, guys, let's play D&D.
[255.3s] Let's do it.
[256.0s] We got to solve some more problems in in death town.
[259.2s] Fucking bizarro ways.
[260.9s] Guys, I have I have like
[264.0s] we need to get four precious stones and or other sort of gem like materials.
[269.5s] In this episode.
[271.0s] Yes. Yeah, we've been taking too long.
[272.3s] I have a goal.
[274.0s] I have a goal in mind.
[275.5s] OK, all right.
[276.5s] So previously you were being just one of you was being just brutally mauled
[282.3s] by a day out, which is by a mall stone elemental by his mall.
[286.2s] Yeah. And then you made it back to the sundial room
[288.7s] where the sundial positions didn't appear to have changed.
[293.7s] Which is fine.
[295.3s] Doesn't even matter.
[297.1s] And then flame because it was like, we're fucking going to die in here.
[300.5s] Yeah, maybe odds are.
[302.5s] Let's go that way.
[303.5s] And I point to what we out of game know is G.
[310.0s] Yeah, we haven't been down that way yet.
[311.7s] Let's yeah.
[312.5s] Let's just keep somebody has a better idea.
[314.6s] Let's just we'll just go that way.
[316.5s] You know, there are no better ideas.
[318.3s] Wait, before we do that, Donnie needs to take a potion.
[323.3s] Yeah, it's going to need to heal up.
[325.1s] Oh, I don't know.
[327.4s] I think I'm good.
[328.2s] I didn't really get hit by that big stone guy.
[330.1s] Yeah, I'm fine. I opened the door.
[332.5s] OK, you guys, I get it.
[336.8s] However, we could it was targeting the weakest.
[340.1s] Oh, my gosh.
[341.3s] I'm feeling really attacked right now.
[344.0s] I don't know if you know this, but I lost my best friend up
[347.5s] in yonder sky portal.
[349.8s] Don't worry.
[351.3s] We're just going to get out of this place, right?
[353.3s] I kick her in the shin a little bit.
[355.0s] Oh, she bites you.
[357.3s] Ah, I punch her in the face.
[361.2s] You take one point of damage.
[363.4s] I punch you in the face.
[364.9s] You take four damage.
[366.0s] No, I take one because the punch only gives one.
[367.9s] Do any of you guys have the stats for rare rare healing potion?
[370.9s] They're just scrapping on.
[372.2s] I'm just talking it.
[373.9s] Yeah, hang on.
[374.7s] I'll have it here somewhere.
[376.2s] Eight D four plus eight hit points is which one rare or for the rare.
[381.5s] What about uncommon?
[383.4s] Uncommon is forty four plus four.
[386.3s] OK, that's probably more in line with what he needs.
[390.3s] Motherfucker. Oh, God.
[395.3s] Leave it off.
[396.8s] They start smacking her nose with a rolled up scroll.
[399.4s] No, shit.
[402.9s] He's got some nice background stuff going on here.
[407.3s] It's good. I'll just drop it down real low as Carla's doing math.
[410.6s] Perfect. Donnie's feeling better.
[412.4s] Let's go that fucking way.
[414.7s] All right.
[415.5s] You start heading down in in the in the direction that you said,
[419.7s] which is we know out of game is G and you travel forward.
[424.1s] This one seems like a very short time.
[425.5s] It's only like 12 seconds.
[427.4s] And you come out into a new area.
[433.6s] Thank God.
[435.5s] Although in like where there are.
[437.9s] Sorry, go ahead. No, it's fine.
[439.1s] They've all been new areas, though, except for that one area
[441.5s] we keep seeing over and over again.
[442.8s] Yeah, it's true.
[443.7s] I know. I thought I was trying to create a little element of wonder.
[447.1s] I was I was excited because it was all wondrous sundial room again.
[451.1s] Then I was just going to storm in another direction.
[453.5s] So it's fine.
[454.9s] New area. What's there? Tell us, Russ.
[457.4s] 20 sundials.
[459.3s] Six suits of ornate plate mail stand in this area as if on guard.
[467.3s] They appear to be battered and bashed pieces of armor
[469.8s] and weapons are scattered across the carpeted floor before them.
[473.7s] Moss and lichen covers the armors, though it remains free from rust.
[478.9s] Another pathway magically opens at the far side of this area.
[484.3s] What kind of ornate ness do I see on the
[494.7s] on the suits of armor?
[497.3s] Are they covered in gems?
[499.0s] Is it like in like carving?
[501.3s] It's it's it's more like just very well, like royalty or nice.
[506.2s] Just like elaborate metal smith work.
[509.0s] Yeah, elaborately done.
[510.7s] Not not they're not ruby five.
[513.2s] No, no, it doesn't appear to be that way.
[516.0s] Guys, I think it's going to be totally easy to get from this end
[518.6s] to the other end. No, it's really Riley.
[521.1s] Yeah, it's all good.
[522.4s] What weapons are they holding?
[524.3s] There are weapons scattered in front of them,
[526.1s] but there aren't holding any weapons.
[527.6s] OK, definitely doesn't look like they've defeated a whole bunch of people.
[530.9s] So no problem. I say we just walk on by.
[533.7s] This is a mall, right?
[535.3s] Now, mall is a hammer.
[537.4s] Oh, this is a splitting mall.
[539.0s] That is an X. It's a splitting mall.
[541.2s] Well, it has a mall on the.
[542.3s] So the hammer and would be the mall, but I'm just.
[546.0s] I'd like to have a good visual,
[547.4s] especially if something that's like beating me to a bloody pulp.
[550.1s] Yeah, no, a mall is just like a war hammer.
[552.1s] Yeah, it's a big old hammer.
[554.2s] Shall we walk on?
[556.6s] Yeah, I think we should like,
[558.8s] yeah, just confidently stroll through this room.
[561.3s] Agreed. Everyone get their strut on.
[564.3s] They get your strut. Oh, Russ,
[566.5s] if you could put that Bee Gees song in the in the background here,
[570.4s] that'd be great.
[571.3s] But the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man.
[573.9s] No time to talk.
[575.5s] So what order are you going in?
[577.4s] I'm first. I'm second.
[580.5s] I'm last.
[581.5s] Flint, as you get about 10 feet into this room,
[583.7s] Nularaaaa, as you get about five feet into this room,
[586.0s] the first two suits of armor to your left and right spring to action
[589.7s] and strike out before us. Oh.
[593.8s] So not what I said.
[595.7s] I like Tom's version better. Me too.
[599.0s] Both strike out at you.
[601.8s] Both strike out.
[602.9s] They miss. It's a swing and a miss.
[604.3s] Oh, that's too bad for them.
[605.5s] The one that hits. Badda badda badda badda badda.
[607.8s] The one that strikes out at you, Flint, is a 17 and 11.
[610.8s] I don't think.
[611.5s] Nope. Nularaaaa.
[613.9s] However, that's an 11 and a nine.
[616.8s] So those both don't hit either.
[620.8s] I feel like they just turned to them and went, no, no.
[624.8s] Because of these two suits of armor
[627.7s] raise their hands and just stumble past you,
[631.6s] but are now engaged in combat. Roll for initiative. I will.
[636.1s] I will.
[637.5s] An eight. I think that's what I got last time.
[639.6s] Oh, 21.
[642.4s] I got a 26.
[646.8s] So two armors.
[648.7s] The other four stand at attention and turn towards you.
[652.8s] Nularaaaa, you're up. Great.
[654.7s] You got like a initiative.
[656.7s] Tom, you're Russia.
[658.9s] OK, it's time to collude.
[665.5s] I got a 22.
[670.0s] You're going for the one that struck it struck out at you.
[672.2s] Yeah, I am. You betcha.
[674.1s] We'll call him number two.
[675.9s] Yeah, yeah, we will.
[678.6s] Who does number two work for?
[680.8s] Is that what you screened me?
[685.5s] I got a 19 damage. 19.
[688.9s] Oh, yeah.
[691.0s] You crunch in the armor and it leaves a huge dent.
[696.0s] But it's it's rights itself as it as you strike it.
[699.5s] Well, I'm going to hit him again.
[701.5s] Maybe. Yep. 22 again.
[704.5s] Yep. 19.
[705.9s] Is that all just exactly what just happened? Yes.
[708.8s] But I'll take it again.
[710.1s] 19 damage again.
[711.6s] Your first strike leaves a huge dent in his armor.
[714.4s] The second strike, the armor explodes and falls to the ground.
[719.8s] Yay. Donny's up.
[722.3s] See, at the back of the line is just like, whoa.
[726.3s] Want to know an amazing fact about Donny that I forgot last time we played?
[730.5s] Sure. He has two attacks now.
[732.6s] Yay.
[736.4s] Whoops. It's fine.
[738.3s] OK, he is going to see if his weapon recharges.
[742.2s] He rolled a four. Is this episode called whoops?
[744.1s] It's fine. Yeah.
[745.5s] So he doesn't recharge.
[748.1s] He doesn't have a breath weapon.
[750.1s] It's fine.
[751.2s] He is going to bite.
[754.8s] That is a 20.
[758.1s] Now, is he going for the one that attacked Flint
[760.4s] or is he going deeper into the room to attack one of the other ones?
[763.5s] Probably the one that attacked Flint, because it'll be the next closest one, right?
[766.9s] OK, that is a 16.
[770.9s] No, 14 damage.
[772.7s] He did some real damage now. OK.
[775.5s] And then since he's got his bite on, crunching down on the armor,
[780.3s] he'll bite again.
[781.6s] That is also a 20.
[784.0s] What's going on?
[784.9s] I mean, I like the roll, so I'm happy they keep repeating.
[787.5s] But it's weird.
[788.7s] Oh, well, that's only six damage.
[791.0s] OK, when I bite something, when I'm a creature,
[794.6s] it like makes them grappled.
[797.5s] Does it not do the same thing for Donnie?
[800.0s] Well, I don't think so.
[801.5s] No, it's a specific type of animal.
[803.5s] I thought it's because you're doing like gators.
[806.1s] You were doing like wolf to my wolf bite.
[810.3s] I guess dogs and gators just don't let go.
[812.2s] Flint, you're up.
[813.7s] That is their most well-known trait.
[815.9s] My tattoo says dogs and gators don't let go.
[818.9s] That's what it says.
[821.9s] New podcast about Carla's secret tattoo.
[827.5s] All right. Yeah, I swing at the one that Donnie's been chomping on.
[831.1s] Well, he's distracted by Donnie chomping on him.
[833.8s] And lay into him with my axe.
[836.5s] And that is a 19 for the first attack that strikes it.
[842.0s] And that is five and seven, so 12 damage.
[844.7s] So Donnie comes in and just like chomping down on this armor.
[848.0s] And then you swing through and explode armor.
[850.7s] And it clangs off the wall.
[853.3s] Excellent. Now, you said there was several more suits of armor.
[857.7s] There are four more in the room.
[860.5s] So it's like, you know, two were right beside you.
[862.9s] Two more and then two more.
[864.3s] So they have turned and are facing you.
[866.3s] They didn't start moving.
[867.1s] So six in total. Four now are undamaged.
[869.8s] Yeah. OK.
[870.7s] Did any gems fly out of those exploding suits of armor?
[874.5s] You saw no such gems flying out of those exploding suits of armor.
[878.5s] I thought it was worth a shot.
[880.2s] Yeah, that was thinking about it.
[882.3s] I how far away are these other suits of armor?
[885.5s] That is a good question.
[887.4s] How big is this room?
[888.1s] The the room itself, 60 feet long. OK.
[893.5s] The next set, we're going to say that you were 10 feet.
[896.5s] So the next set isn't.
[897.9s] Oh, I did that wrong.
[899.1s] So that's fine.
[900.4s] Well, let's say they're 20 feet away from you
[902.4s] and then another 20 feet to the back.
[905.0s] OK, I'm going to I'm going to stroll on over to the set of armor
[908.5s] to the left of me.
[910.4s] Just like this.
[910.9s] And, yep, just like doing my strut, continuing on with my strut walk.
[914.7s] It's been successful for us so far.
[916.6s] So I think it's a good strategy.
[918.0s] I think confidence makes the rolls better. I think so, too.
[920.9s] Does this suit of armor look like it's going to attack me
[923.5s] as I get closer to it?
[924.6s] Yeah, it's like it's readying itself.
[926.7s] OK, I in that case, because I was going to give it a high five
[929.9s] if it was going to be cool.
[931.4s] But since it doesn't look like it's going to be cool.
[933.4s] If you're going to try it, you can always see.
[935.6s] Don't. Roll for high five.
[937.7s] Yeah, but you're going to be that DM that makes me roll for things
[940.4s] and then it like rips my arm off.
[942.0s] Roll for high five.
[943.3s] Come on, just roll for high five.
[944.6s] Don't do it.
[945.0s] It's always a bad sign when his voice goes higher pitched.
[947.7s] It totally is what I already rolled.
[949.2s] It's a 17.
[950.8s] So you strolling up and you reach for a high five
[955.8s] and it stops for a second and puts its hand to your hand.
[962.9s] And then lifts its other hand like it's going to come down on you.
[965.5s] But you got another attack there.
[967.2s] OK, yeah, I use your attacks.
[968.7s] Don't use that as an attack.
[970.1s] All right. Well, I wasn't going to.
[971.6s] I was just just wanted to high five the suit armor.
[973.9s] Yes, it seemed cool.
[975.6s] OK, I'm going to
[977.9s] pull my hand back and swing my axe up at the same time
[984.7s] and hit it with a 24.
[987.5s] Oh, yeah, sure.
[988.7s] Oh, yeah.
[989.2s] Like the worst high five ever.
[991.0s] Right. Your coworker comes up like up top.
[993.7s] You go, yeah, message to the groin.
[997.9s] So that's 13 damage on that one.
[1000.1s] Terrifying.
[1001.3s] And last attack.
[1003.2s] Oh, I rolled it off the table.
[1004.6s] It's got a dented cod piece now.
[1006.5s] Oh, dear God.
[1008.1s] That's a 22 to hit. Yeah.
[1011.9s] And 12 more damage.
[1014.1s] Jeez, Louise.
[1016.5s] Cheepers, creepers.
[1018.2s] Exploding. Holy moly.
[1020.5s] Gee, willikers.
[1022.2s] And it had you don't know how, but it has a sad armor face.
[1025.2s] Like it was like ready to almost be your friend because of this high five.
[1029.7s] But you it explodes and falls to the ground.
[1032.5s] Well, if it hadn't maybe gone to hit him after.
[1035.1s] I mean, if it hadn't made an aggressive move.
[1037.5s] Exactly. It's true. It's a scorpion.
[1039.7s] He's like, I'm sorry.
[1040.8s] It was in my nature. And then it crumbled.
[1042.6s] So those armors are dead.
[1045.1s] And frogs don't look back.
[1047.0s] No, that's what my other tattoo says that Thaddeus's turn.
[1051.3s] You have very strange animal sayings.
[1056.1s] No, those are common sayings, right?
[1057.7s] They're pretty common. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, absolutely.
[1060.4s] I've definitely seen a motivational poster with those on them before.
[1063.3s] So be like the frog.
[1066.8s] Don't look back.
[1068.2s] Yeah. Carla's hang in there.
[1069.9s] Kitty tattoo is a little underwhelming, though, in comparison.
[1072.9s] Yeah, it's true.
[1074.8s] Also, super inappropriate.
[1076.7s] Thaddeus is. Oh, totes and approves. Yeah.
[1081.2s] Thaddeus.
[1084.1s] Oh, no. I'm going to play Thaddeus myself.
[1086.5s] Fuck y'all.
[1087.7s] Fuck y'all.
[1089.3s] Fuck y'all.
[1092.0s] Oh, angry old man Russ is here.
[1095.0s] So, Tom, are you going to play Thaddeus?
[1097.4s] I'm looking at his spells.
[1098.9s] Hold on. Jeez.
[1100.9s] You just had like a real far off look on your face.
[1103.8s] We were all like.
[1105.0s] Every time I say Thaddeus, it's just like this dead look in Tom's eyes.
[1109.2s] I had to. I had to give up Flamy Kins.
[1111.7s] I couldn't do it.
[1113.1s] Yeah. OK.
[1114.2s] He's going to pull out his late crossbow
[1116.3s] because I don't really see any spells and he's running low on spells.
[1119.0s] So he's going to let this crossbow fly at the at the one on the right
[1126.1s] in the middle of the room or towards the back of the room.
[1129.1s] Let's go middle of the room.
[1131.5s] OK. And his attack is plus six.
[1134.4s] So that's a 17 to hit to hit.
[1138.5s] Glances off the armor and doesn't appear to do any damage.
[1141.5s] Well, Balder dash.
[1144.0s] Mm hmm.
[1146.5s] Then it's armor.
[1148.9s] That guy's dead armor, the one that just got shot at by Thaddeus,
[1152.7s] and he springs into action.
[1155.1s] But you guys are all very far away.
[1157.3s] No, he can get to Flint.
[1158.5s] He's going to run again.
[1159.7s] It's going to run towards Flint swinging his arms in the air
[1163.1s] like he just don't care for an 11 and a 21 like Bart and Lisa
[1168.1s] in that episode of The Simpsons where they're just like, yeah,
[1171.1s] I'm going to swing my arms like this.
[1172.6s] And if you get in the way, it's not my fault. Exactly.
[1176.3s] Oh, yeah. The 21 will hit with arm attack, I guess.
[1180.3s] Yeah, it's a slam attack.
[1182.0s] Windmill slam a jammer.
[1184.2s] So that's a jammer.
[1186.9s] Five bludgeoning damage,
[1188.9s] which I will subtract three from to take two bludgeoning damage.
[1193.3s] All right.
[1194.8s] Because somebody told me to remember to use my armor perk.
[1197.8s] I give you guys shit.
[1198.8s] You might as well fucking use it.
[1200.3s] Exactly. Exactly.
[1202.0s] All right. Well, which I, to be honest, I thought I had been.
[1205.9s] Yeah. It's like every other time.
[1208.9s] OK. All right. Hey, that's better than it was before.
[1211.1s] Like once in an episode, you'll use it.
[1212.7s] And then like, why didn't you use it again on that next attack?
[1215.6s] Theory just into her pouch and and throws up some diamond dust
[1219.9s] and like walks through it like Phoebe Pouffe style with sashayed
[1224.0s] right through that. I did.
[1225.9s] And I give myself a big hug
[1228.8s] and I say, no, it'll hurt you anymore.
[1231.0s] And I cast stone skin on myself.
[1236.1s] So for one hour, my skin is as hard as stone
[1240.8s] and I have resistance to non-magical bludgeoning, piercing
[1243.8s] and slashing, slashing damage.
[1245.8s] Slashing damage.
[1248.2s] All right. For one hour.
[1250.0s] For one hour concentration.
[1251.5s] So if you do another concentration spell.
[1253.6s] It's abjuration, you doink.
[1255.5s] It's concentration.
[1257.3s] Abjuration is the school.
[1258.9s] Concentration is what you fucking.
[1260.8s] School of magic concentration school. Fuck.
[1265.9s] You doink.
[1269.7s] Who the fuck knows how to play D&D here?
[1271.8s] I'm sorry that I reacted so extremely.
[1279.7s] I'm sorry. That was wrong of me.
[1281.6s] Yeah. That's the rum talking.
[1284.7s] I apologize.
[1286.6s] I mean, is it though? Is it the rum?
[1289.8s] No, it's just truth coming out.
[1291.4s] It's truth serum is what it is.
[1293.3s] I mean, Russ is a pretty big doink.
[1295.1s] Just casting zone of truth on myself.
[1298.9s] All right. So you're stone skinned.
[1300.3s] Yeah, I am.
[1301.1s] Do you walk into the room or are you just standing by the door?
[1303.1s] What are you doing? I walk into the room.
[1304.5s] Right. You're sashaying.
[1306.1s] Yeah, she's got it.
[1307.8s] I go up to the like.
[1310.9s] I'm not. Yeah, if I'm at the beginning,
[1313.9s] I haven't quite reached the middle one.
[1315.4s] The closest action, which is what Flint's engaged in right now,
[1318.7s] is 40 feet away from. Yeah, I'll go 30 feet.
[1320.7s] I'll stay 10, 10 feet away from the action.
[1323.2s] All right. All right.
[1325.8s] The two at the back of the room see you sashay into the room.
[1330.2s] One of them comes towards you.
[1331.7s] The other strikes out at Flint.
[1334.3s] So the first one is the one that's just watching me sashay
[1337.5s] goes to strike Flint for eight and a 13.
[1341.4s] Neither of those are going to work.
[1342.8s] How about Thea? Can we hit Thea?
[1344.5s] No, these are bad rolls.
[1347.3s] The one plus Thea would be too far away, I think.
[1350.3s] She she's 10 feet.
[1351.8s] So 10, 20.
[1353.7s] Oh, yeah, I guess if they have 30 feet, they'd be in range.
[1356.3s] Yeah. Yeah, that's a 13, 13 max up.
[1359.1s] Fuck. They just they come over and they're like, what's up?
[1362.7s] High five. Did they reach for the high five?
[1365.7s] One one.
[1366.7s] He he's intent.
[1368.7s] He's swinging to hit you.
[1369.8s] But it kind of looks like a high five because he missed.
[1371.9s] OK. All right. OK.
[1373.6s] Yeah. Flaming Kins.
[1375.7s] Oh, I'm just by the room opening.
[1380.8s] I'm going to shoot my light crossbow at the one
[1383.8s] that's attacking my friend, Thea.
[1387.4s] Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah, bud.
[1390.3s] Now, break it down for the course 18.
[1393.7s] I'm on Twitter.
[1395.2s] Anyone else's DM, a donk?
[1398.2s] I'm so glad you've learned how to use social media.
[1400.3s] I can social media.
[1402.3s] I'm just I'm just going to go on to Twitter and and like that right now.
[1406.1s] Stuff. Hang on.
[1407.5s] Just going to go like that.
[1408.9s] It's going to go look at stuff.
[1411.6s] You know, it's
[1414.2s] three piercing damage to that one that's attacking for you.
[1417.9s] Should I go on Twitter and make my first tweet since 2015?
[1421.3s] Carly, I think you might have to.
[1422.9s] You were going to have so many fucking notifications
[1424.9s] because I tag you the most because I know you're not going to respond.
[1428.9s] Yeah, we're back to new Laura.
[1430.3s] Top of the round.
[1431.5s] So you are so you are
[1435.5s] 20 feet from the one that the ones that Flint is engaged
[1439.8s] in combat with and also about 20 feet from the one that Thea
[1443.7s] is engaged in conflict.
[1445.5s] Is there two on Flint?
[1447.1s] Two on Flint, one on Thea.
[1449.2s] A flop flop flop.
[1450.5s] A flop flop flop.
[1451.6s] Does stone skin give her like does she look like stone now?
[1454.7s] Can I tell?
[1456.2s] Oh, yeah.
[1456.8s] How does everybody else respond to stone that she's never cast?
[1460.9s] It's new. I like it.
[1463.0s] I just want to know if I can.
[1464.4s] I shoot her a thumbs up because if I can't see it, I'll come to protect her
[1468.3s] because I don't know she's got stone skin now as she struts by you.
[1473.1s] You kind of give her the look.
[1474.7s] And she's like she looks like stone and some pebble and sand.
[1479.5s] Okay. Yeah.
[1480.8s] Maybe it's Maybelline.
[1482.2s] I brushed my shoulder for those of you who obviously can't see us
[1485.4s] because it's an audio media brush my shoulders.
[1488.3s] We're on YouTube now.
[1489.5s] No, it's still that's still just an audio medium.
[1492.7s] We'll figure it out.
[1494.0s] Well, we probably will.
[1496.9s] We haven't figured out D&D yet.
[1498.5s] It's been fucking four years.
[1500.9s] Maybe maybe what we'll do is we'll figure out how to do digital shorts.
[1504.6s] I really hope that we never figure out D&D.
[1508.1s] I like the way we do it.
[1509.5s] I like the way we do it, too.
[1510.9s] I like it when I go, it's not concentration.
[1513.5s] You doink and he's like this fucking concentration.
[1516.6s] I like that.
[1517.6s] You wouldn't have that if we all knew what was going on.
[1519.6s] That's true. Exactly.
[1521.0s] How boring would it be if we just played effectively?
[1523.1s] I'm looking at I'm looking at the levels from last episode and this episode.
[1528.1s] They're much louder in this episode.
[1530.3s] Oh, the rum is kicked in.
[1532.9s] That is the rum.
[1534.5s] OK, I'm going to go where there is two
[1537.1s] and attack one of those guys.
[1541.5s] Yeah, that's a twenty seven.
[1545.1s] Are you attacking?
[1546.5s] Neither of them have been hit.
[1547.5s] OK, that's fine.
[1548.3s] Yeah, twenty seven hit.
[1549.6s] OK, ten, sixteen damage.
[1552.7s] I'm going to attack him again.
[1554.3s] I'm going to miss because I rolled an eleven.
[1556.5s] Donnie Donnie is going to try to recharge a yield breath weapon.
[1562.5s] It does not work.
[1563.8s] He will.
[1565.0s] He will come with me and try and bite the guy that I hit.
[1569.4s] That is a 19.
[1571.5s] Yeah.
[1572.9s] So that is six damage.
[1575.7s] And then with the second attack, he got a 25.
[1583.9s] Which seems impressive, but he only got five damage.
[1587.7s] Hey, well, he's he's still like wound up real hard.
[1591.2s] You strike and miss and then Donnie comes in for chomp chomp.
[1595.2s] And on the second chomp, the armor falls down to the ground.
[1600.0s] And there are two armors left.
[1601.9s] Sweet. Yeah.
[1604.7s] And it's Flint's turn.
[1606.4s] Yeah, since I see this one armor drop to the ground,
[1608.9s] I'm going to turn my attention to the other one.
[1611.9s] Mm hmm. Good strategy.
[1614.9s] Right. I see.
[1615.7s] I feel like I'm really on the ball today with picking targets to fight.
[1619.4s] So, yeah, so that's a 21.
[1622.0s] That'll hit.
[1623.0s] Guys, I got to say this game is so much more fun
[1625.1s] when you have like good attack bonuses just to attack.
[1628.9s] As opposed to like a plus two when you start out and like, oh, God.
[1633.3s] Anyway, I digress. That's 13 damage.
[1636.8s] Yeah. Yeah, that'll take that.
[1639.5s] Oh, I rolled way back here. Hang on.
[1643.2s] Yeah, that was a good one. 24.
[1644.6s] And that's 10 more damage. Mm hmm. Good.
[1648.3s] And last but not least.
[1650.3s] Oh, that's only a 10.
[1652.0s] I'll just put that dice back.
[1655.7s] Not using this one anymore.
[1657.4s] So your final strike goes wide, but you dent too huge, too huge.
[1661.5s] Big swing and miss on the third one, though. Yeah.
[1664.1s] Thaddeus is up.
[1665.3s] He is going to shoot that crossbow again.
[1668.3s] That is a 17 for Thaddeus.
[1670.6s] That'll miss.
[1671.8s] Yeah. So the one you just took two huge chunks out of swings down
[1675.5s] with his gauntleted arms.
[1678.8s] 18 and a 13.
[1681.7s] 18 should hit me. Hang on here.
[1683.7s] Let me double check. Yes. 18 will hit.
[1685.8s] Wait. Yeah.
[1688.1s] Three damage, three, three.
[1689.9s] Which I subtract three from and take zero damage.
[1693.0s] So it's just a kunk.
[1695.7s] And I just kind of fLex and it bounces right off me.
[1698.4s] One of these.
[1698.9s] Does it feel real like its confidence is shaken?
[1701.6s] I mean, if it had confidence, it would be shaken, right?
[1704.5s] If this fucking inanimate object that came to life
[1708.5s] had confidence, it would be shaken.
[1711.6s] Yeah, Theo, you're up.
[1712.5s] All right. I'm going to Eldritch Blassey's, bitches.
[1742.7s] Have access to tons of cool stuff like monthly bonus episodes,
[1746.1s] character sheets, naming of NPCs and so much more.
[1748.7s] Plus, with our patrons support, we've been able to get our bookings
[1751.2s] in for PodCon 2 in Seattle in January.
[1753.1s] If you're going to be there, let us know so we can try
[1754.9s] and arrange some meetups.
[1756.0s] Lots of time to figure that out, though.
[1757.9s] But we do hope to see you there.
[1759.6s] Check out all the details at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
[1763.3s] Thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere
[1765.9s] used in today's episode.
[1767.2s] Make sure you check them out at Sirenscape.com
[1769.1s] to bring your games to life.
[1771.2s] One other quick thing I wanted to mention,
[1773.0s] because I haven't recommended many podcasts lately,
[1775.0s] but I've just caught up on a new one to me,
[1777.9s] The End of Time and Other Bothers.
[1779.8s] It's an improvised fantasy role playing game
[1782.0s] set in the world of Alba Salix,
[1783.7s] where they assure you no animals are harmed.
[1786.5s] It's put on by a group of friends, much like ourselves,
[1790.1s] who come together every month to co-create a story
[1792.7s] in the Alba universe using the Dungeon World
[1795.5s] role playing system and Improv to tell their story.
[1798.9s] Sean and Eli, the creators of Alba Salix,
[1801.7s] have spent a long time building the world,
[1804.0s] and it certainly shows in the amazing story and world
[1806.6s] that they have going on in their show right now.
[1809.2s] So much planning went into it,
[1811.0s] but even they don't know how the story is going to unfold.
[1813.6s] It's a tale of flightless fairies, half demons
[1815.8s] and cafeteria line workers, dystopian empires,
[1818.3s] magical waterfalls and mysterious books.
[1821.3s] Oh, and The End of Time, that's in there somewhere, too.
[1824.4s] I love the show so much and can't wait for their next episode,
[1827.1s] which actually I think just released.
[1829.2s] So I'm going to have to go make sure I listen to that.
[1831.9s] I'll link them in the description,
[1833.3s] as well as everything else mentioned today.
[1836.2s] The next episode will be out Wednesday, September 12th.
[1839.0s] Let's get back to this episode and see if the kings
[1841.7s] and queens of SAS can get out of the armor room
[1844.0s] and maybe out of the maze.
[1846.4s] Who am I kidding?
[1847.5s] I won't get your hopes up there.
[1849.1s] Have a great week. We'll talk soon.
[1850.4s] Maybe.
[1857.1s] Oh, yeah, I am 22.
[1860.2s] Damn. Yep, that will work.
[1862.5s] Yeah. Uh huh.
[1863.3s] And it's going to be 3D10.
[1866.0s] You're attacking the one that you are.
[1867.2s] No, no. Which one? How many are there?
[1869.3s] There's two left. There's two.
[1871.1s] One is directly attacking.
[1872.6s] I'm going to do two blasts at the one that's attacking me
[1875.9s] and one blast at the other one. OK.
[1878.3s] I don't want your dice.
[1880.8s] Yeah, Russ, you're doing it right.
[1886.3s] Episode title 52.
[1888.9s] You're doing you're doing 10, 16, 21.
[1895.1s] So which is going to which?
[1896.6s] Because you just shot two different things, right?
[1898.6s] All right. OK.
[1900.6s] You're doing so 60.
[1906.4s] 16 to the one in front of me.
[1909.7s] Five to the other one.
[1912.4s] The one in front of you.
[1914.2s] What color is your Eldris Blast like black or blue?
[1917.1s] Or does it have an energy streak?
[1920.4s] I'm thinking like yellowy.
[1921.9s] No, because that's more lightning.
[1924.2s] No, it's not like P. It's pink.
[1926.5s] OK. Oh, all right.
[1928.0s] I like it.
[1929.2s] It fills the armor with this crackling energy,
[1932.1s] but still remains standing.
[1933.3s] However, your other one that shoots over the one in front of Flint
[1937.0s] does the same filling of the armor
[1938.9s] and then explodes it outwards and flying from it.
[1942.6s] You see a bloodstone
[1946.2s] that bounces off the wall and towards the exit onto the ground.
[1953.0s] Flamikins Kins is up and she feels invigorated
[1955.9s] and shoots her light crossbow down
[1958.7s] and at the thing with advantage, because I want to end this.
[1963.0s] 20.
[1964.4s] It must be nice being the DMC deep into its chest plate
[1971.7s] and the residual energy
[1974.9s] and this new bolt that's entered explodes the armor
[1978.4s] and it falls to the ground.
[1980.4s] And you are in a room of even more mayhem
[1983.0s] and chaos of armor and weapons on the ground and a bloodstone
[1986.8s] right by the door.
[1988.1s] Shall we leave and I continue your session toward the exit?
[1992.9s] Yeah, we've been nothing but straight strutting.
[1995.4s] Right. Fucking baller this episode.
[1997.6s] We came in with confidence and I think that was our problem
[2001.1s] in our last one. Remember last one, we just sat there like,
[2004.8s] is he going to talk or should we talk?
[2007.8s] Oh, no, there's no talking.
[2009.7s] Do you know why? There's only murder.
[2011.8s] It makes perfect sense because we are socially awkward as fuck.
[2015.9s] So in this room where it is just animated suits of armor,
[2020.3s] we're killing it when we thought we had to interact with a human being
[2023.9s] in a social situation that we did not understand in a pagoda.
[2028.1s] We all just fucking froze.
[2030.2s] Yeah, it's so it's so on brand.
[2033.3s] I like it is so perfectly on brand.
[2036.1s] I love it.
[2037.2s] Yeah, Flint, the end, Nulara take Manhattan is going to be
[2040.4s] just an awkward of down the street with people touching us,
[2045.9s] trying to get a hot dog from a stand.
[2047.9s] Small talk is happening.
[2049.7s] Oh, small talk.
[2051.3s] The most feared enemy.
[2054.1s] All right. So you pick up the bloodstone and you leave the room. Yeah. Yeah.
[2058.1s] OK. It's a DTFO age.
[2061.4s] You head out of this room and enter back into the winding maze
[2068.5s] where there are hedges and there's you look to one side and you see the tower
[2073.2s] and you look to the other side and the towers there as well.
[2075.5s] And then it's gone and you enter back into the sundial room
[2078.2s] where the shadows are pointed at a D and F.
[2082.5s] Does anyone else not fucking care about the update
[2085.8s] of where the shadows are pointed?
[2087.4s] Well, I don't understand what they mean.
[2089.5s] So I'm choosing just to like pretend it doesn't exist.
[2092.9s] Yeah, I stopped caring.
[2094.6s] I'm like, hmm. OK, so we have.
[2097.2s] I can't wait for us to like finally get through all these fucking things.
[2101.0s] And Russell be like, oh, you just had to do this
[2103.9s] and you would have been through it in no time.
[2105.6s] And I'll be like, I quitting the podcast.
[2107.9s] It's over. Why don't you guys go fucking alphabetical?
[2111.4s] Like, why don't you go alphabetical, you guys?
[2113.7s] Come on. Systematic.
[2115.4s] We went to A first and it didn't work.
[2117.6s] So that's how far we've tried.
[2121.7s] It's true. A.
[2123.3s] And then we're like, no, fuck it, we're going to go to C.
[2126.1s] No, fuck it. We're going to go to H.
[2131.5s] Let's go to E.
[2132.5s] I point and I say, I got a good feeling about this one, you guys.
[2136.7s] I'm all like, I'm all, you know, like stony and shit.
[2140.7s] Yeah, let's keep that confidence going.
[2142.5s] I like it. Mm hmm.
[2144.0s] I strut in, but I let others go first because I'll strut ahead of you.
[2148.4s] Yeah. Yeah. Did you say push my luck?
[2151.3s] I said E.
[2155.8s] Though we haven't been down D yet, but I mean.
[2159.2s] OK, so you go down E and it's another quick trip
[2164.8s] and it takes no more than about 20 seconds.
[2167.5s] And you end up back in the sundial room
[2171.7s] where the shadows are pointed to B, D, F and H.
[2180.3s] And as you begin to examine, go for it.
[2186.5s] Nothing. I keep trying to spell words
[2189.5s] and all I can come up with is me insulting things.
[2194.2s] Big, dumb fuckheads.
[2199.5s] That's a restless spelling for us.
[2203.3s] Well, that story checks out.
[2205.5s] I mean, we've been in this maze for like six fucking episodes.
[2208.5s] It's been a long time.
[2210.4s] We live here now.
[2211.9s] God. OK, sorry, Russ.
[2214.0s] OK, as you begin to examine the room again and the shadows,
[2219.6s] the shadows start slowly rotating around the face of the sundial.
[2224.2s] Spinning faster and faster,
[2226.8s] becoming shorter and shorter until they shrink into the gnomon.
[2230.8s] And the sundial shows no shadow at all.
[2236.5s] Guys, I want to fucking destroy the sundial.
[2239.1s] Can we put all the gems on the sundial?
[2243.3s] I suggest we do one of those before we do the other.
[2247.5s] There is a there's a strict order of operations going on here.
[2251.5s] Roll for initiative to find out who strikes first.
[2254.7s] Oh, boy.
[2257.8s] Sorry, did you have an idea?
[2260.2s] Maybe we should we could put all the gems on the sundial.
[2264.1s] Maybe that might trigger something or open something.
[2267.3s] I don't know.
[2268.3s] It's it's worth a shot.
[2269.7s] Like, what do we got to lose?
[2271.9s] I walk forward and I think I have the deed and the topaz
[2275.6s] and I put them on the.
[2277.9s] I'm not sure we really specified who I sometimes we've specified
[2281.4s] who's picked up what and sometimes we haven't.
[2284.2s] Let's just say we just put them all on there.
[2286.1s] Let's just say all of them all on the sundial.
[2287.9s] You reach at the exact same time and your precision is accurate
[2292.1s] and they all fall through and disappear.
[2296.3s] Perfect. I turned to flint and I'm like, podcast over.
[2299.8s] Bye, guys. Well,
[2302.0s] mushroom cloud and just huge explosion.
[2306.4s] Um, well, you know, um, I'm I I'm going to look at this
[2311.9s] in a positive way.
[2313.2s] Maybe this is where we are supposed to deposit the stones.
[2316.1s] And when we've deposited enough stones, we can get out of this hellscape.
[2320.5s] Wait, where did they go?
[2322.7s] Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.
[2325.6s] Fuck, haven't we been walking through fucking portals
[2327.7s] this whole goddamn time?
[2329.0s] Really? You don't think there's a fucking portal that they just went through?
[2332.0s] I I look at her and then I try to I stand on the no man.
[2338.1s] You begin to climb up onto the sundial and Thea disappears.
[2341.7s] Oh, my God. Where do I where do I go?
[2343.7s] Where do I see? What do I see?
[2345.9s] So you guys hate this so much disappear.
[2350.0s] I'm kind of mad.
[2351.1s] I have some rage.
[2352.5s] It's not good because I've rage and I've rum.
[2355.0s] Thea, you fall harmlessly from the sky.
[2357.8s] It appears back into the sundial room.
[2361.0s] And you see shadows pointed at every single exit.
[2367.2s] Back to everybody else.
[2369.7s] Hello. Well, I can't do that, too, because it's fucking action.
[2375.1s] It's leaving this fucking room. Let's get in there.
[2379.5s] Nulara, followed by Flamikins Kins and Thaddeus is like,
[2382.6s] well, are we doing this, bud? Yep.
[2385.5s] So mad.
[2390.7s] I don't understand why you're so mad.
[2392.7s] Thaddeus crawls in and Flint crawls in and everybody falls
[2396.1s] harmlessly back into the sundial room where the shadows are pointed
[2399.2s] at every single exit A through H.
[2404.2s] Is the to see we didn't lose you like your owl.
[2407.9s] What I said, nice to see that we didn't lose you like your owl.
[2412.9s] That's a super insensitive thing to say, Flamikins Kins.
[2416.3s] Watch your mouth before you open it.
[2418.1s] Goblin and I used to be a pirate.
[2422.2s] I am a pirate.
[2423.4s] OK, what's next, guys?
[2425.5s] I'm in a punter.
[2428.2s] I'm in a punter.
[2429.3s] And maybe you can find my owl when you disappear up above these hedges.
[2432.7s] Maybe I can.
[2434.4s] It's going to be quite the punch.
[2435.4s] I do like one of these that are I like go towards.
[2443.9s] These two have been really scrapping this up.
[2446.1s] It's really scrappy.
[2447.5s] Do you guys think we should go back
[2451.3s] in the way we came through the maze or.
[2456.1s] Go back on the sundial and see if you can go back to the other.
[2460.1s] Oh, my God, just to tell you.
[2463.3s] So because so in in game, you don't know which way is which.
[2467.5s] Yeah, there's no real clear direction where we see the tower.
[2471.7s] I mean, you can see the tower.
[2473.2s] It's pointed in any direction, but in game, you don't know
[2476.3s] which direction that is.
[2477.8s] Yeah, you know that shadows are pointed at every single one.
[2481.8s] You know, you just fell from the sky.
[2483.5s] You don't know.
[2484.0s] Are our stones everywhere?
[2486.2s] You yeah, the stones are scattered on the ground.
[2488.3s] I pick up the stones. Sure.
[2490.9s] Because you never know. You never know.
[2494.3s] I say we just pick any exit.
[2496.5s] Agree. Since they're all lit up.
[2498.5s] Let's do it.
[2500.6s] Can we pick the exit that is D?
[2503.1s] Sure. Or like whatever would be in that direction.
[2506.3s] Begin walking into one of the corners of the room
[2509.9s] and you walk down the maze for another half a minute or so.
[2515.7s] And the curving path you follow suddenly twists
[2520.6s] to reveal a proper maze cut out of the surrounding hedges.
[2527.3s] Moments later, you hear the pounding of hooves ring out.
[2532.7s] And ahead of you,
[2534.8s] rounding the corner and charging towards you
[2537.7s] is a massive stone Gorgon
[2541.5s] who charges out of the greenery towards you.
[2546.9s] Hi.
[2561.7s] Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io.
[2570.1s] I love you. I love you, too.
[2572.7s] Oh, you said it like much more sincerely.
[2574.5s] You know, you said it really like.
[2576.6s] God, way to make me feel real shitty with the words, I love you.
[2580.9s] As only some only married couples can do.
[2584.2s] All right.
[2585.5s] Man, how many new podcasts do we have?
[2587.6s] I don't know. None, because nobody's jumping on these ideas.
[2590.4s] But I really think the awesome powers once you get come on, it's podcast, baby.
[2593.8s] Yeah. It needs to happen.
[2599.1s] Sorry, three damage to me.
[2600.9s] No, she didn't shoot you.
[2602.9s] She thought the shot the arm.
[2606.3s] That was Flamikinskins defending you.
[2608.1s] Well, I know, but Flamikinskins also dealt me one damage
[2611.2s] because she bit me defending your arm.
[2613.2s] She did. So true.
[2616.3s] Can you guys hear me?
[2617.1s] Because I can't hear you all of a sudden.
[2618.7s] Yeah. Oh, no, I can't hear you.
[2621.0s] Yeah, it just like went real quiet for a second.
[2623.1s] Oh, we were all real quiet.
[2624.9s] You were just we were just on the edge of our seats.
[2627.2s] Try to read his breath weapon.
[2630.5s] I mean, will he won't do he won't.
[2633.3s] Sorry, I was somebody texted in the group chat, so I want to see what it was.
[2636.5s] But then I forgot that this was right after me.
[2639.0s] And I just rolled the wrong dice. Hang on.
[2641.0s] Your business won't show up in your group chat. Oh.
[2645.7s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a dumb dragons production.